I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
