I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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