Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
