I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you had me at cake vodka
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
