ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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