All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
