just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
