So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
