weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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