marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
