12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
