yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
