Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
