Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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