he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
