just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
