there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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