oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
