I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
