I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
