She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
