did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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