I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
