Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
