Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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