nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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