We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
