stop calling my apartment porn island.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
