u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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