I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
