Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
