I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
