i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
