I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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