put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
