So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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