Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
