she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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