We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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