I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
