everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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