I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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