i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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