Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
