I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
