Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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