I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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