i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
