Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
