It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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