i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
