I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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