Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
