The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
