Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
