Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
