Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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