no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
