He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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